We have concrete.....

I have been so busy that I completely forgot about getting quotes for flooring, painting, a new split airconditioning system and lighting. All of which is going to cost money. Well it will increase the mortgage. Just hope the interest rates stay steady for a while.

We are thinking floating floorboards for the new room and a mocha or coffee colour paint scheme. Sort of African. I will have to ask for african or balanese type things for my birthday. There is so much still to do. Before Nikki can move into the lounge, all the above has to be finished first so we can move all the furniture into the new room. Then we will pull up the carpet in the lounge which is awful with kids spills from the last 13 years. And maybe paint Nikki's new room before she can move into it. It will be so good when it's all done.

I had a small loss this week. 300g. That's ok. Slowly but surely. I need help with my sugar addiction though. I have come to the realisation that I am fat because I eat too much sugar. Some people have problems with savoury, cheese, dips, etc but for me it's sugar. My current addiction in this warm weather is zooper dooper iceblocks. Yes they are ok but I have about 10 a day!! And it's all sugary things I crave. Might have to get me some hynotherapy!! Any suggestions on how you beat this demon, please feel free to leave a comment.

Have to go and get Nikki from work so will finish this later. This is the reason I never get to blog - LOL!!

A Date at Last

I just got confirmation that our new room is starting Thursday. So exciting. We have definitely outgrown this house as it is. Ashleigh needs her own bedroom. At nearly 13, she can't keep sharing with her brother. So they start preparing on Thursday. Lucky Steve gets to have a 5 day weekend. Even though he has work to do. He has to take down fences to get the bobcat in from the street behind us. And because the room is going on the neighbours boundry, that fence has to come down too. But it is going to be so worth it.

Weight wise, things aren't so good. I gained over xmas and the week after for no reason apart from this crazy peri menapausal body. I couldn't go last week but the scales are down slightly as of this morning. I am getting a period every 3 weeks but it last for a week to 10 days. I have read lots of information about menapause so I think this is very normal but I need to get it checked. Something I am putting off. I have made myself accountable now to go and make an appointment.

Nikki got some bad news yesterday. Her job at Boost was a christmas casual job. She reckons she was told when she went for the interview but she didn't tell me. It was quite a shock. Surely after all the training she has had they could keep her on for 1 shift a week?? They told her they were very impressed with her and they want her to fill in if needed so that's something I guess. She needs to get another job because she has a phone to pay for.

Ashleigh and Jarryd spent a week at Steve's parents in Kadina. Steve's dad hasn't been too good so I think it gave him something else to think about having them there. They didn't take any computers or consoles. Just DVD's and lots of fresh air. Love it!!

Back to school for them all next Monday. I can't believe how quick the holidays have gone. Next ones will coincide with Easter in late April.

It's been an incredible few weeks here in Australia with all the flooding. I have family in Brisbane but no one was affected. A few blogger and facebook friends were in the areas and it would have been just devistating. Now the water is making it's way all the way down to our rivers in S.A. So hopefully by the time it gets here it can do some good instead of the devistation it has caused in so many areas.

My decluttering has continued. My computer has been shutting down and I suspected it was overheating. I had no idea of the crap at the back of the computer desk until I got at the back to clear the area. Years of paperwork and crap that had fallen down the back. I wish I had taken a photo because it was disgusting :( Bad me!! Just one of those jobs you never get to because you can't see it. Anyway it is all cleared and vacuumed. And the computer box cleaned and dusted. Guess what!! No problem since. Touch wood - haha.

My job for this week is to take down the christmas tree!!!

Be back tomorrow with my result.

:)

Weekend Update

You can sort of see what I have done today. Still have to move the bricks but it got too hot.

The house that has sprung up next door. We need higher fences.

Blogger will put these photos where it wants but you can work out the before and after photos.

The concrete is about to be laid for our new room. We don't have that much more to do. Moving pavers and taking down the pergola. The concreter reckons he can get the stump out with his bobcat. I hope it's a big bobcat. If you look at the before photo with the tree still there and the birdcage and the current view, we have come a long way.

Luckily we have a street behind us so the bobcat will have to come through the back fence. That's what I have been doing today. The cubbyhouse used to be in the corner I cleared today and there was a lot of little bits of old toys and rubbish still to remove.

We had a great night last night. A really good friend of mine had a yiros night. Gary buys the yummiest lamb and chicken yiros meat and everyone adds what they want. He made his own tzatziki. Good company and good food. Some of Karen's friends make the best desserts. The choices were pavlova, cheesecake with a hot caramel sauce, a selection of chocolate pieces, my evil bounty balls and a plate of fruit. I had a piece of pav, 3 bounty balls and lots of fresh fruit. Definitely dipped into my weekly points but hey that's what they are for. The kids ranged from 18 - 9. Jarryd was the youngest. Nikki and Karen's son entertained us with guitar and ukeleles. Their house backs onto a creek with lots of ducks. A playground and park so we didn't see much of the kids.

I am off for a walk with Martine and Sandy tonight along the beach. Unfortunately the 4th member of our ww group Tania couldn't make it. It will be a lovely night for a walk. Something I still am not doing enough of. The paper run starts again Wednesday night so I will be back into it again.

So Tuesday night will be interesting. I can honestly say I have tracked all week. I have used maybe 1/2 of my weekly points but I didn't track them because most of them were used last night while I was out. Not sure how to point bounty balls!!

Hope your sunday is a good one. Please leave a comment if you visit. Very few of you do. I would love to see if there are any lurkers out there or just regular readers. I always wonder if my blog is interesting to read but I know there are lots of different readers from around the world because of the location tracker.

On Track and Feeling Great

Dare I say, I am loving being back at work. I'm drinking water, tracking because I am on the computer all day with my job, and feeling the support from everyone.

I went to my meeting for the first time in 2 weeks, since the Tuesday before xmas and have gained 800g. I deserved the gain, I had a good time with food over xmas and now it is over and it is time to get serious again. I think there were a few of us that gained over christmas at our meeting and 3 out of 4 of us that go together had a gain so it sure is a hard time of year to stay on track.

Work is crazy. We only have a few back this week and it is soooo busy but that's what I thrive on. The time goes quick and I don't have time to think about food. I've been taking cut up rockmelon and watermelon the last 2 days and by eating more fruit, I have noticed I'm definitely not so hungry.

I like these short weeks. Thursday already tomorrow and before we know it will be the weekend again. Not a lot planned this weekend. We have been invited to a friends for a yiros night which should be good.

My heart goes out to all the people in Queensland affected by these devistating floods. I really can't remember seeing floods that bad anywhere before. We travelled through a lot of these areas a few years ago and it is such a beautiful part of Australia. These communites are strong though and will come through this.

It looks like the ww forums have settled down and the bullyers have been kicked out. I don't belong to too many online communities but have been shocked by the crap that was coming out of those 2 peoples mouths on the weekend. There is no justification to be calling people who have a lot of weight to lose the names that we were subjected to. Has anyone ever experienced this on any other forums or are we just soft targets because we are overweight. Well like someone said, the best revenge is to get to goal and become healthy which a lot of us are well on the way to doing.

Full of Inspiration

Beautiful Glenelg. Wish I had got further down to take some photos of the beach.

After yesterdays debarcle on the weight watchers forums I realised how much wonderful support I have on this hard, long journey of weight loss. Yes there are always going to be people that just want to stir and name call but for every one of them, there are 10 times the amount of lovely people who just want to get support and help like I do. Enough said on that subject!!!

With that in mind I am even more determined to get this weight off this year. I am still over 15 kgs lighter than I was 2 years ago but it should have been a lot more. I know Tania will be yelling at me on this comment because I could have put all the weight back on but I still feel so much frustration that I could be nearly to goal by now.

I had a lovely day today. Nikki and I met some friends at Glenelg for coffee and a walk around the shops. As usual I am counting the $$ especially after christmas but money burns a whole in Nikki's pockets. Now that she is earning her own money, she has become a spendaholic and why not!! She bought a long jumpsuit for $15 from Ice and although it is a little big on her, it is her all over.

I had to laugh when I checked my comments from my last post. Sammy told me to go and cut up some fruit which I said I had been too lazy to do. But guess what Sammy???

I had already been to the shop and bought some watermelon and rockmelon and cut it all up before I saw your comment. Mind you I spent $10 of the fruit and that is all I bought. Fruit and veges have gone up so much and it is only going to get worse with all the flooding in Qld. I'm sure we grow watermelon here in SA so why is it $4.00 per kg when it's usually $1 - $2 per kg?? I really need to get off my butt and go to the local markets on a sunday morning.

Anyway better get off this computer and go and make tea. The maid and the chef didn't turn up today - LOL!!! Then we are off for another walk to the beach after tea to make the most of this glorious weather.

I NEED Routine

I have come to the conclusion that I need a strict routine. When it comes to eating anyway. I find myself so often picking at easy, convenient food. Food that comes out of a wrapper that I don't have to prepare. That is just lazy. Fruit is free on this new plan so I should have cut up fruit in the fridge all the time. But I am on holidays and I am lazy.

So even though I am going back to work on Tuesday, I am glad for the routine starting up again for me. I drink lots of water at work, I am too busy to mindless eat and I am happier.

The paper run has stopped for a few weeks and I am not even exercising. How lazy is that!!!

So I am going for a walk later and will take some photos to prove it. The weather is perfect and I live 10 mins from the beach so there is no excuses really. I haven't even been tracking and still I get on the scales every morning and expect a loss. In fact what I saw this morning was an even bigger gain than 3 days ago. So Christmas and New Year are over. The party is over and I need to get back on track. Tracking, drinking water and a bit of walking.

Later...........

Well I did go for a walk after tea and took the camera and then forgot to take photos - LOL!!
I had forgotten how nice it is down there. Ashleigh rode her ripstick and Jarryd rode his bike. Got to see the sun set and I promised myself I will walk down there at least twice a week.

I managed to get involved in some crap on the weight watchers forums today. I just can't believe how much trouble some people are out to cause. From asking an innocent question to a person that has been causing trouble for months to being abused was just incredible. Unfortunately these people cause trouble on weekends and the moderators aren't around to ban them. I shouldn't have bought into it but it made me so angry. Anyway it made me realise how much support I have on there as well because I got some lovely messages from a lot of lovely people.

Anyway points have been spot on today and I have tracked and exercised so we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Night all xx

New Years Goals

Well I am pleasantly surprised. As of this morning the scales are up 800g.

Not too bad considering I have been treating myself to some yummy food I only eat once a year. I think christmas lunch is generally a healthy meal. Turkey, ham, prawns and salad. It's the sweet stuff that I find hard to resist. Steve's mum's apricot balls are the best I have ever tried. This year I made some bounty balls and mini xmas puddings both dipped in chocolate. I ate sooooo many but they are all gone now and I am back tracking. I enjoyed christmas this year and didn't deprive myself. My meeting was closed on Tuesday night so I have just under a week to lose that 800g +

We had a lovely family christmas. I got an ipod shuffle, my port power membership, a sunshade for the car, money, garden solar butterflies, body shop coconut shimmer lotion from my working girl Nikki and other little bits and bobs. I did get spoilt because I got presents from Steve and each of the kids. We all gave each other something this year with money saved by the kids. From Santa, Nikki got a notebook laptop, Ashleigh got an ipod dock and speakers and Jarryd got an ipod nano. Of course the kids were very spoilt but it was lovely to spend time with families.

We went to Kadina for a few days to stay with Steve's parents. Steve's dad has heart problems and had just got out of hospital after having a turn last week. His medication has been adjusted and he has to take it easy for 6 weeks. They couldn't even find his pulse because it was so sky high. The doctors were amazed he was alive. It is a testiment to his good, clean living that he is here with us today. They moved from a beautiful seaside country town to Kadina which is a bigger country town with a hospital 8 kms away. They had to do it for Steve's dad and it has already paid off because the doctors told him he wouldn't have been here this xmas if he lived in Stansbury. The nearest doctor is too far away.

Nikki has broken up with her 1st boyfriend. I think I am sader than her because he really is a nice boy but too quiet and shy for her. He doesn't show much emotion or feeling which is not like Nikki at all. She is way too outgoing for him. I married one like that and believe me it doesn't get any better - LOL!!
She has a great friendship group so isn't so sad. She is loving working at Boost. Lovely bunch of kids as far as I can tell. Unfortunately most of them are much older. She has been invited to a 21st of one of the guys at a nightclub in the city and can't understand why I won't let her go. She is 14 and wouldn't get in anyway. 14 is such a hard age because you want to be partying with the older teens but are way too young to be doing it. Well in my opinion anyway. Would love to hear your views on that topic.

We are having a new years eve party tomorrow night. It's going to be 43 deg here in Adelaide so we are having a pool party. Not sure who or how many will be here but I know 43 deg is good drinking weather to bring in the new year. With so much of Australia under water, I am not going to complain about the heat.

So as this year comes to a close, I want to thank each and every one of you reading for your support especially with my weight loss journey. It is a hard journey that a lot of people don't understand but I know lots of people who read my blog have the same struggles. Struggles we can win. Have a very safe and happy new years eve and may 2011 be a year full of happiness.

Merry Christmas :)

Wow......

Where did that time go. 2 months since my last post. And here it it Christmas Eve already.

Life is good. Steve is happy I think. We are happy. There is no conflict that I can feel so life is good. Long may it stay that way.

Weight wise. I am now up to 9.2 kgs lost since the end of July. I have pulled my finger out and lost 4 kgs in 2 months. I have the most wonderful support group at ww and to those special people who know my daily struggles, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Tania, Martine and Sandy you have saved me this year. Or we have saved each other.

Nikki is working at Boost and loving it. She is perfect for Boost because of her bubbly personality. She is getting around 10 hours a week which is perfect.

Ashleigh has just finished year 6 and is a happy child. She has a lovely new group of friends and I haven't heard about any bitching between these girls.

Not like her old friendship group. Some of them are the biggest bitches I have ever encountered. Nasty people. Unfortunately things have blown up with her former best friend who was getting other people to do her dirty work. I worked out that she didn't want to be Ashleigh's friend after 6 years and I saw many signs that pointed to this over the last 2 years. Best friends don't treat each other the way this child treated Ashleigh during that time. Anyway I decided to get the facts on what was really going on and spoke to a couple of girls and their mums about what was happening. I had confirmation from 2 of the girls that this is what was going on. The 'best friend' got other people to tell Ashleigh that they didn't want her hanging around them. Bitchiness at it best. I gave this child, in front of her mother 2 chances to tell Ashleigh if she didn't want to be her friend anymore. I knew she had outgrown Ashleigh because she is more outgoing and makes friends a lot easier than Ashleigh.
Twice she looked me in the eye and told me she wanted to be Ashleigh's friend and she should be standing up for Ashleigh. Well how could she stand up for Ashleigh when she was the one instigating all the trouble??
And now the mother who was a good friend for 6 years has decided to backstab me to mutual friends because I have been saying her daughter is a bully!!!!
For the record, I have never said that she is the BULLY. She is the manipulator. There is a difference. Now the mother will not take my calls to talk about this as we have a few times over the last 12 months. Unfortunately this child is like this because of the way her mother is to people. And that is very sad. I feel gutted about this. I just want my chance to have a talk and put the record straight and put the facts on the table which I can back up. But no, she is the one calling all the shots. She has told me in no uncertain terms, not to contact her or her family or friends. Well hello, unfortunately we have a lot of mutual friends due to a 6 year association of our kids and you will not dictate to me who I can and can't talk to!!!!

Sorry I had to get that off my chest and onto paper, or electronic paper as this is my diary.
I have never met a person like this in my life and I hope I never do again.

Will have to update this later because I have to pick up Nikki from work. And battling the shops on Christmas Eve is something I would rather not be doing.

Ok back later than I thought. Presents are all wrapped and under the tree. We made some christmas goodies today that were yummo. The children are all in bed and we are ready for Santa to come.

I want to wish all my wonderful friends a truly special christmas. I hope you are all very spoilt. Have a fabulous day and a happy and safe new year.

One Day at a Time

I went to ww tonight after missing 2 meetings due to family issues. I gained 700g which is nowhere near as bad as it could have been. I think I would have gained about 2 kgs if I didn't get my arse into gear late last week so I am pretty happy with that.

I have been back to meetings for 3 months and have only lost 5 kgs. I really need to change that. I know I shouldn't say 'only' 5 kgs but it should have been so much more. Then again I could have gained 5 kgs if I didn't go back so no looking back, only forward.

The Sun is Shining at Last.....

In many ways.

I seriously think I have winteritis or some sort of disorder where I can't function in winter. I need sunshine in my life. I need to feel the sunshine in order to feel human. I HATE winter, I HATE rain (unless it's tropical rain) and I have got to the point in my life where I am seriously considering where I go and what I do as the kids get older. I have always wanted to live in Queensland. I bet we have all thought that. But I can see myself living in Queensland. I have even been googling real estate around Cairns because that is where I would ideally like to live. I have travelled a lot but I always follow the sun. The only not tropical holiday I have had is the snow when my best friend was living in Wangaratta and we could get there in a couple of hours. I think if it wasn't for my mum and Steve's parents we would be out of here.

I have talked about coming out of the fog. I can see a bit clearer. I am still with Steve. He has been away so much since our last big blow up which I can honestly say has been a good thing. We are seriously thinking about a mining job that may have fallen in our laps. A friend who is in recrutement mentioned about a driving job in a mine near Roxby Downs in far north SA. At least $30,000 more than Steve is earning now. Working away would work for us. I function very well as a single mum but I do miss him when he is away and things are good when he comes back so it would definitely work for us. Watch this space.

I still haven't had any counselling. I am on the waiting list through medicare. I must follow that up because it was supposed to be 3 weeks until I heard and I have had no contact as yet apart fromt he initial letter. I had to cancel the appointment I had through another avenue when Jarryd had his accident at camp. I definitely want to go down this path because I need help to deal with these situations with Steve. I won't be bullied by him. Sound familiar. Maybe Ashleigh is more like me than I realised.

Nikki had a big campout in our backyard last night with 7 other 14 year olds. I wasn't sure at first when she asked me because I remember what I got up to at 14!! 4 boys and 4 girls all in seperate tents. Hope it stayed that way - LOL!! They were pretty well behaved and I didn't hear them when I went to bed. But then again, my bedroom is at the other end of the property so the neighbours might say different.

Nikki is changing daily. Gone is my little girl. She is a typical, selfish but loving teenager. She is lazy. CBF as she says!! She isn't motivated to do anything. She wants a part time job but won't get off her bum and do it. I had to nag her to write her resume which took a couple of months and then nag her to print it off and put it in an envelope with some references. But she has done it now so hopefully will get a phone call soon. She also might not because the minimum age in SA is 14 yrs 7 months and she is 14 yrs 1 month. She has put applications in at Boost and Wendys so far. Bugger Hungry Jacks and Maccas. I'm not being a taxi at 3am or 5am for an early start. Something in a shopping centre would be ideal. Fingers crossed.

As with any time in my life when I am under extreme stress I turn to crap food. I am happy that my weight has staying exactly the same and not ballooned out of control as usually happens. But I have been back at weight watchers for 11 weeks or so and have only lost about 5 kgs. I am motivated by some bloggers and facebook friends who are doing amazing things with Michelle Bridges 12 week challenge and might look into the next one. The great thing about blogging is that I got into it through the weight watchers website where a lot of us have or had a lot to lose so all these friends are or have been in the same situation as me. Lots to lose and yoyo dieters. We are all the same. Some are conquering their weight and some like me are just hanging in there. But we understand each other where a lot of people don't. I know there are so many out there, my husband included, that think we are fat because we eat too much and if we just cut down the weight will come off. Well yes, it will if we follow the guidelines. But many of my online friends have the same battles. I truly believe it is a mental issue as well. I know I shouldn't be eating the crap I do and I know I need to lose this weight for my health so why don't I?????? The million $$ question. It will be a battle for the rest of my life. And I need to find a way to win that battle.

I am going to try and write something about my weight loss journey most days. Whether it be winning or losing. I have this outlet here so why don't I use it more as a tool for this journey?
I can do this. I am so sick of being fat. I don't want to be fat anymore :)

Have a lovely Sunday everyone. The sun is shining and I am definitely going for a walk to the beach. Enjoy whatever your Sunday brings.

Life is a Blurrr!!!

Where do I start??

Firstly, I am blown away by all your support. I have so many wonderful friends. So many people go through the same things in their relationships. Some make it through, some don't. I'm still on the fence - LOL!! Thankyou so much. I value all your comments and opinions so much. There is a lot to think about. I don't want my marriage to end and Steve needs to know that I won't tolerate the abuse I have been putting up with for so long.



When Steve isn't ranting about money and how hard his life is, we get along fine. I have started to print a copy of the credit card statement every day and leave it for him to see. There is no complaining from him about money at the moment because he has had 2 mini holidays in the last month. Which has been good for me to have time alone with the kids and see how I feel. He is away at the moment at Phillip Island for the motorbike grand prix. He gets back tomorrow morning and then in the afternoon he is off to Alice Springs for 2 weeks for work.



I had a counselling appointment for Friday but had to cancel because Jarryd had an accident. (He's fine, see below) It was the date of our 16th wedding anniversary and Steve wasn't even around. I am on the waiting list for medicare funded counselling which I must chase up because I should have heard by now.



It all comes down to communication and I have definitely noticed that Steve is talking more than he has in the last few years so hopefully he has taken it all on board. Time will tell.



My weight has stabilized again. I'm not moving anywhere up or down. I guess I should be happy that in the most stressfull time in my life, I haven't turned to food. Drink a bit, but not food - LOL!! The warmer weather will motivate me again. And daylight saving is soooo welcome. To have the extra daylight hours in the day has just changed my whole mindset. Maybe I am coming out of the fog.



Jarryd went on camp last week. His first school camp. So exciting for everyone. He was a bit clingy a few days prior. I got more cuddles than normal and his sad little face on the bus pulled at my heart but I knew he would have a wonderful time. They left Wednesday morning and on Thursday morning I got a call at work to say he had fallen and skun his knee very badly. It wouldn't stop bleeding so they wanted my permission to take him to the local doctors clinic. My heart jumped. It would have taken me an hour to get there so I said take him and ring me as soon as you get back. 2 hours later, I got the phone call. 6 stitches in his knee!!!!!!

OMG I was so sad for my baby. They put him on the phone and he was quite upbeat. He said it didn't hurt and I told him we were coming up because he had to have antibiotics (which I had to get the presciption filled) He told me he didn't want to come home and I told him we would make that decision when we got there.



The rest of the day I just wanted to be with him, but I knew he was in good hands. The teacher rang me a few times to update me. We had to battle peak hour traffic by the time I got organised and got up there just after they were having tea. He was fine. He was having such a good time he didn't want to come home. So we made the heartbreaking decision (for me) to leave him behind and we headed home. The teachers assured me he would be well watched and he had pain relief if he needed it. And they were coming home the next day anyway. It was horrible driving home without him but I knew he would be fine. And he was. I rang the doctor who did the stitches and he said it was a very nasty cut. Not a straight forward cut. We have to keep a close watch on him in case he gets an infection. Because he fell into gravel and dirt, he cleaned it out under the local anisthetic but we can't get it wet for 2 weeks. It is all bandaged up and has to stay that way for 2 weeks and then we have to go and get the stitches out. I think getting all the bandaging off will be the worst part. He is very well patched up according to the doctor.



So that is the story of Jarryd's first camp. He will have a lasting war wound to show!!



I am also battling different emotions with Nikki. She has just turned 14 and her social life has taken over. She wants to spend every weekend Sat and Sunday with her friends. I can understand this but I have told her she needs to find a balance between family and friends. So we have compromised. She can spend one of the days with her friends and the other one with us. Life is changing so fast. I don't like it!!



So far she is a good kid. We have our battles but she can see where she is wrong. I have seen 2 of her grade 7 friends go totally off the rails this year. Through facebook, they have abused their mothers to the point of writing 'I wish she would die'

I cannot believe a 14 year old can be so disrespectful and I thank god every day that Nikki is not like that. Is it the parents of these kids or the kids themselves that has let it get to that point. Nikki was horrified when she saw one of the girls update on such a public forum like facebook to the point of discussing it with me. Unbelievable!!! I also thank god that Nikki doesn't have friends like that. From what I can see (and facebook is good for keeping track of them) they are all good kids from nice homes.



I have come to the conclusion though that teenagers are extremely selfish. Some of you might say, I could have told you that - LOL!! I know Nikki loves me, but it is absolutely all about her. I was never like that. I bet my mum would say different!!



Gosh, this is turning into a novel. I need to update more often.



Something else that has been going on in the last week (as if I haven't had enough to deal with) is that Ashleigh is getting bullied again. She told me about a girl that was being mean to her last term. Stupid things that Ashleigh has been ignoring. Well it got physical this week. She was shoved out the way going up some stairs by one of these girls and told to f.....g move!! Charming!!!
My reaction was well did you shove her back? And she said well if I did that she would probably punch me in the face. And Ashleigh couldn't do that anyway. This is why she attracts the bullies. She is too nice and can't stand up for herself. We have tried to teach her but she just can't do it. It's not in her nature. So the time has come to get serious about getting her to stand up for herself. Anyway we reported it to the school and it was addressed within an hour, not like the old school where it would take days to even get a phone call returned. But the problem was that the bully denied everthing and turned it around on Ashleigh doing the bullying which again for anyone who knows Ashleigh, that is just laughable. So both girls had to apoligize. I wasn't happy but knew we would just keep a close eye on the situation.
Well yesterday Ashleigh was on facebook and the other girl of the 2 bullies answered a stupid questionaire of random questions. The question was: 'What does Ashleigh like to eat' The girl wrote - 'Donuts, that's why she has such a big butt' Ashleigh responded with , 'that's not very nice' and the response was - WHAT!! men go for the big butts. And on the top of the post it says - 'sorry I am telling the truth'
OMG how stupid is this child and she is a child. These kids are 12. I know there will be questions of kids not doing facebook but Ashleigh only plays the games and chats to a couple of old friends she doesn't see very often on facebook. I monitor every thing the girls do on facebook and this was blatent cyber bullying. Ashleigh did the right thing and deleted this girl and then blocked her so there is no way she can get back in and delete anything. It's still on her page and I have printed it for evidence. I will be at the school tomorrow morning and won't be leaving until this is dealt with. I wouldn't want to be in this child's shoes. Not only bullying but sexual connitations (sp??)

So this is to be continued..........

If you have got this far of this epic post, I commend you. I get carried away sometimes - LOL!!

One thing.......Life is never dull.

Thank God for Friends :)

I don't know what I would do without all your support. I am going through the toughest time of my life. I need to find the strength to leave my marriage after nearly 17 years. I need to do this for myself and my children. I hear everything everyone is saying. I know I can't keep living like this. And I say to myself that if I was in a relationship were there was physical abuse, I would be out of there in a blink. So why can't I do it when there is mental abuse???

I love Steve more than ever. I look at the relationships where the partners can't do enough for each other. And I envy it because I have never had that. Steve never does anything for me unless I ask. It took him 16 years to organise a weekend away just us. Yes we have had time away together but it's always me that plans it. I am lonely. Pure and simple. He doesn't communicate and whatever I do he critisizes. After 17 years I have snapped. I can't even talk to him about things anymore because of the things he brings up. My weekend away 12 months ago was just brought up this week because I had double booked and it was inconvenient for everyone even though I had sorted things out before I left. Why the hell didn't he tell me this 12 months ago. He brings up the past every argument.

This is an example. Every year he gave me flowers for our anniversary. He rang a florist and got flowers delivered to my work. As much as I love flowers, I thought maybe we could spend the money and we could go out for dinner together. So I mentioned it and the following year I got flowers delivered to work. Again I said, honey I love the flowers but don't send me flowers. Dinner together would be a better way to spend your money. When I got flowers the next year I couldn't quite believe it and mentioned it to my best friend in Melbourne when we were having a heart to heart one night on the phone. Well Steve was eavesdropping on the conversation and I have never heard the end of it. That probably happened about 5 years ago and he brings it up every argument that he will never buy me flowers again because I don't appreciate it.

He has never been a communicator. I knew that when I married him. He hates the way I am running our lives financially but he won't take it over. I have everything set out in a book and he knows where that is. The money we spend on every bill. I have been writing the weekly extra expenses like birthdays, extra food shopping, things that crop up on a white board on the fridge so he can see where the money is going but he still yells at me that he doesn't get enough money for himself. He works 50 hours a week so he is entitled to more money. He says I have luxuries in life like the cleaner, my Port Power membership and ww that he would get rid of if he was doing the budget. I am doing a weekly paper run with the kids and secret shopping to bring more money into this house. That well and truly covers those things.

I have a counselling appointment. 15th October which is my 17th wedding anniversary. Steve will be away at the Bike Grand Prix in Melbourne.

I still don't know what I am going to do. I don't have the strength at the moment. I have counselling in 3 weeks. He will be away for a lot of that time. I need to get stronger. I need to talk about it. Though people are probably sick of hearing this ongoing saga. I know I don't deserve to live this way but bottom line is I love Steve. If I didn't love him I would have gone a long time ago.

How!!

How can it be over a month since I posted. I am the slackest blogger. I have all intensions of writing a post but evil facebook takes over!!

So.....Life is crazy. Nothing new there. WW is going well. One hiccup 2 weeks ago saw a big gain but alcohol and TTOM will do that. So overall I have lost 4.9 kgs in 7 weeks. I have the best support network a girl could get with ww. There are 6 of us now that go to the same meeting. And we all started off as very big girls. Well over 100 kgs. One of the girls Sandy is doing an amazing job. Her head has been in the right space for a while now and she is very close to the 20 kgs lost. We're hot on your tail Sandy. I was doing the sums yesterday and in nearly 2 years I have only lost 11.4 kgs. I know I'm not allowed to say 'only' on this journey but that is pathetic. Up, down, up, down is the pattern of my life. Need to ponder that more.

Steve and I are going through a rough patch again. Another pattern in my life. More to ponder.
I have organised some counselling for me. I cannot continue to be belittled about my position in this marriage. Because I don't work 50 paid hours a week like he does, I am not as worthy as him. Because I ferry the kids around to this, that and everything else, it's not hard work so it's not worthy. If I or any mum added up the total hours she works every day, I bet it would be far more than her partner. Well in 95% of cases. I sound like a broken record when I talk about my marriage because this outburst happens every 6 months or so. It's always about money. Money is tight this month. We have got ourselves back on track by putting some credit on a low interest credit card and paying it off that way. No big deal!!! It will get paid off. And we are living within our means but every now and then a big month of birthdays and parties comes along and throws the budget big time. I always get the blame when I ask Steve to stop using the credit card for himself for a few weeks. I get yelled at because of the extras I get in life, like weight watchers and a cleaner. Well darling I figure if I am working 31 hours paid work a week, I can afford those luxuries.

Weight watchers is not a luxury for me. It is a necessity and I wish the powers that be would consider us being able to claim weight loss programmes on our private health insurance or even medicare. I have an illness. I am a compulsive eater, like a compulsive drinker or smoker. Obesity, smoking and drinking are probably the things that cause the most hospital related illnesses. It's not rocket science, pay for programmes to help people like me get healthy. OK off my soapbox now.

Back to me - I am going to seek counselling for myself because I feel I have been mentally abused for 16 years. I get the blame for every little thing going wrong. I get no love and affection but am expected to give love and affection. Things that happened in the past should remain in the past. Stop bringing them up every argument. We have tried marriage counselling but our views are so far different about things that it didn't work. I need counselling for myself. I know people would be thinking, get out of the marriage but the bottom line is I love him very much. He is a wonderul father and provider. I love my house and my life here. Why should that change? The house would have to be sold. I don't want to sell my house. I am lonely. Very lonely. The kids are growing up. Nikki is nearly 14 and has her own life. Ashleigh is 12 and soon will. Where do I go from here? I don't want to be lonely.

There are people that have critisized (sp??) me for venting on facebook. I know facebook is not the place to vent but Steve doesn't have facebook and that's where most of my friends are - LOL!! I got abused by a so called friend for saying I needed to get help for myself because I can't do this anymore. She said some nasty things and I had to delete her posts. So I am writing my feelings here. On my blog.

As I said, I am going to get counselling and I do ask myself every day if I am doing the wrong thing staying in this marriage but the answer at this stage is I just don't know :(

Where do the Days Go?

Before and after photos. If they stay in order that is. I'm sure you will figure out which is before and which is after - LOL!!

Our beautiful new car. I just love it.

Our twin baby budgies. Unfortunately one of the babies had an accident and was trying to fly while the kids were holding him and had hurt his back or leg. He can't stand up so we are just hoping with a lot of TLC he will come good.

I can't believe it's been 2 weeks since an update. Life just goes by in a blur!!

Firstly weight loss.................

I have lost 6 kgs in 3 weeks and couldn't be happier. It has clicked back into place and I am very happy with such a good start. Just need to keep it going. One thing I have worked out though. Weight Watchers is for life. I need the accountability. Too many times I have left thinking I can do it on my own but I don't. I definitely don't agree with everything to do with weight watchers but I love my leader and it is still one of the cheapest weight loss programmes I know of.

I have just had my kitchen upgraded. A very long overdue project. When we moved into this house 12 years ago, the kitchen was the only thing not finished. The couple we bought the house from had split up and she had taken a tafe course to built the kitchen. She didn't get to finish it. As you can see from the photos, I have been living without cupboard doors for all that time. So we decided to do that and also put in extra cupboards and a rangehood over the stove. We had to put in a whole new pantry because she hadn't built that right and it was totally out of square and we wouldn't have been able to put doors on the old one.

I am thrilled with the result. It is getting finished off tomorrow. Unfortunately one of the panels by the rangehood was cut short so they couldn't put the doors on those cupboards.

Netball is finished for the winter season. I enjoyed coaching Nikki's team but am glad it's finished. Training Monday night and games Saturday afternoon takes a chunk out of the week especially when it is a 30 minute trip each way. But I coached a beautiful bunch of girls who got along so well and although we didn't make the finals, they all had fun and we had lots of laughs.

We have signed up with a builder to have the extra room built. Unfortunately it could take up to 16 weeks for council approval which could take it right up until christmas so I just hope we don't have to wait that long. With the new TV Steve won, our family room is so crowded. We have definitely outgrown the house as it is.

This weekend is going to another busy one. Jarryd has laser skirmish parties on both Saturday and Sunday. Nikki has a netball breakup which of couse I will go to. Football Saturday night and catching up with a friend on Sunday. I need to find some time to fill up a green bin for the green rubbish next week. We need to fill up a bin every week so get this area cleared in readiness for the new room.

Thanks again for all your comments and support. It means a lot.

Week 1 Weigh In & Other Stuff

These are Ashleigh's newest babies. Twin budgies who are just starting to come out of the nesting box.

Some photos of the area where we are going to build onto. As you can see, lots of work to do.

Well first week back and I am thrilled to say I lost 4.1 kgs. Goodness knows why I lost that much but I do know I stuck to the points 100% and did some moderate exercise. Nothing crazy, just basic healthy eating and exercising.

It doesn't make much sense though when my good friend Tania who I have started back at weight watchers with, did all the same things as me, has about the same weight to lose and lost 600g. Very disappointing but I know she will bouce back with a big loss this week.

It's been an amazing week in our house. It started last Friday when Steve won a radio competition on Triple M. He won a $5000 home entertainment package which included a 58" 3D plasma TV, a surround stereo system and a cabinet. He picked it up tonight and it is huge. Until we build this new room, it will have to live in the family room which is already cluttered.

Then on Saturday we bought a new car which we picked up tonight. Our poor old car had done 250,000 kms and was very worn out. We were looking for a commodore and found a VZ Calais that we did a good deal on. It is a beautiful car and obviously very well looked after. I was looking at the transfer papers when I got home and realised it used to belong to a beautiful blogger friend of mine, Bec's parents who live in a different state to us. What's the chances of that!!!

We have had some builders in to quote the new room and they have both said to get some plans drawn up and go from there. Our other option is a company coming out tomorrow that specialize in just additions and handle everything from start to finish so we will decide what to do after tomorrow. We have an area to clear which is shown in the photos and a lillypilly tree to remove which is going to be a big job. Steve wants to do it himself which will save us some money. So every weekend I will be filling a green bin. Busy times ahead.

Thanks to everyone for their support and comments on Ashleigh's bullying situation. She is a different child since she made the move nearly 2 weeks ago. It's so nice to see her smiling when I pick her up from school.

Back into It.

Well I went and faced those dreaded scales again last night. I was surprisingly nervous to walk through those doors but Tania held my hand - LOL!! As I already knew I had put on about 10 kgs in the last 6 months. Good effort hey!!

My old leader's face lit up when we walked in but she looked sad as I was telling her I had failed to keep the weight off by myself. I told her that I wasn't sad. Disappointed but not sad. This is just a bump in the big journey of my life. I will never get up to my highest weight that I started at 18 months ago so even though I have put on so much, it will come off again. I have come to the realisation that I cannot do this alone.

So day 1 has been a good day. Ate well and within points and did the 1.5 hours walking delivering the local paper so off to a very good start. One day at a time!!

Ashleigh is loving her new school. She has made friends already and comes out smiling every day which is a far cry from the last few months. She is hardly getting any homework compared to having to do hours every night. I am not a fan of homework. Kids have too much to do with sport and family committments that they don't need to be sitting down to hours of homework every night. I feel so relieved that we have made the right decision.

We had our first builder come over tonight and he has put us on to someone to ring to get some plans drawn up and then we can take them to a few builders and get some quotes. I must check with the bank but he said it is common in his game for people to have to get 3 quotes. I must start taking some photos of the area that we are building onto. We have a monsterous lillypilly tree which has to come out. Something else I need to get quotes on.

On a good note, I have got my tax back already and have done Steve's. He is getting about $5000 back which is fantastic for him. They have been taking out too much tax because his overtime is all over the place so it is nice to get a big lump sum. He is going to buy a laptop, golf clubs and stuff for his motorbike. I get some to pay the school fees and council rates. Big bills that only get paid at tax time.

Thankyou so much for all your supportive comments here and on facebook. I think things are turning around for the better. New beginnings.

Helloooo out there!

This is one of the reasons I hate blogging. The photos never go where you want them to. Ashleigh and Jarryd were lucky enough to be picked to be on the ground when the players come through the banner. Well we got the day where it was torrential rain. OMG it was awful. But the kids loved it. Well Jarryd did, Ashleigh spat it and wouldn't even let me take her photo on the ground!!

Took the kids to St Kilda playground on the way to Kadina to Steve's parents. They have been away all week :( I have really missed them but it is soooo good not to cook every night. And the house is the tidiest it's ever been with all my decluttering and no kids!! Must take some photos.

Ashleigh and one of her bestest friends. One who sticks up for her and one she will really miss.

Well I bet some of you are shocked to see a post. I got really bored with blogger. There are so many outlets out in cyberpace to find friends. I have found the most amazing people through my weight loss journey. But I find most of my friends are on facebook so it's easier to update things there.

As with most journeys, we can go off the rails. I have. AGAIN!! I have gained 10 kgs (well probably more. I will find out Tuesday.

Lots going on in the Lehmann house. First we decided we needed more room. Then we thought we might buy a bigger house with smaller land. But after working out the costs of changing over, our wonderful state government would get around $30,000 and the real estate agent would get $5,000 + comission. We have a 900 square meter block so the obvious choice in the end is to build on another family area and give Nikki the lounge. Then all the bedrooms are at the front of the house and 2 family areas at the back overlooking the pool. I do love our house but we are going to be stretched in the beginning with the extra mortgage. Well you can't take it with you, can ya!! So we are borrowing enough to rennovate the kitchen, build the extra room and buy a car. Ours is going to stop some time soon and never start again - LOL!! Lucky I have a mechanic for a hubby. I knew there was a reason I've kept him around.

We have also been dealing with the trauma of bullying. Ashleigh's so called best friend of 6 years has got other girls to do her dirty work because she has decided she doesn't like Ashleigh any more. We have finally figured out that the bullying for the last 2 years has been her doing because she hasn't got the guts to tell Ashleigh herself she doesn't want her hanging around.

I have never met such a horrible 12 year old. I have asked her so many times to tell Ashleigh if she is doing something wrong but she always says she wants to be Ashleigh's friend and she knows she should stick up for her. WRONG............ She has been behind it for 2 years. Getting other girls to be mean so she won't hang around her. One girl has been coming up to her for the last 6 months and telling her to go away and stop following the group. Ashleigh has other friends in this group of girls so that's why she wants to hang around.

So very long story, short she is starting a new school on Monday. It's the R-12 school where Nikki goes to high school. They will both be in middle school. Ashleigh year 6 and Nikki year 8.

Huge relief to everyone. My question through all this is how can a child who has been friends with someone for 6 years be so mean and manipulative!! All the while showing her other face and pleading her innocese in all of this.

Nikki has been in Year 8 for 2 terms and is loving it. She got straight A's term 2 and term 1 straight A's except for PE. She has her first boyfriend and a great group of friends. I feel confident going into the teenage years to say I am loving who she is turning into. Hope I can say that in a few years time - LOL!!

Jarryd is in Year 4. He has a best friend who is now part of this family. He is here most weekends. We were clearing up after dinner the other night and I asked the kids to clear the table. Cody helped and Jarryd told him not to because he was a guest. I told him to keep going because he's more than a guest now. He is playing school soccer in a really nice team and loving it. He has asked to play club soccer but it is soooo expensive and I just can't find any more $$

especially with the rennovations.

Steve is Steve!!!! Still the most unromantic people I have ever met. Still grumpy but a great provider and father. And I do love him after nearly 16 years. Lots can't say that.

So I plan (not promise) to update my blog more often. Weight loss progress, house rennovations and life in general. I can't believe how my kids grew up so very fast. I still have control but there is a day looming sometime very soon, that I won't have that control and that scares me. I look at my online friends like Corin who is pregnant with her 3rd bubba with envy because I want to go back there. I am so happy for her but I miss my babies. Treasure every moment because once they start school life gets busier than ever before and it's goes by in a blink.

Please say hello if you have popped in. That is probably another reason I don't update as often as I have is because I probably don't have many readers anyway so why bother!! But I love looking back on the photos and different stages of the Lehmann world.

My Week

Actually it's nearly 2 weeks since I updated. School is back and life is super busy again.

I have joined Curves. I am loving the format and the one on one you get. I know all the staff already and they are all super friendly and helpful. I couldn't get them to waver the joining fee so I am paying off the $124 over 12 months. It's only $2.50 per week which is nothing when you look at it like that. I know Curves is not for everyone but it is right for me. That might change down the track but I will commit to 12 months and see how I feel after that.

Unfortunately my good work has not shown on the scales. I gained 200g and 300g in the last 2 weeks. Although when I jumped on my home scales last Wednesday morning I was down 1 kg and they are still down. Because my meetings stopped last Tuesday night, I will weigh every Tuesday morning and record my results here.

Nikki started high school on the 27th January and is settling in very well. She seems happy and has already made new friends. It is a juggle to get her to a different school each morning and afternoon though. I have to be super organised especially in the mornings because I drop Nikki off at a friends at 8am and then 3 days a week Ashleigh, Jarryd and I walk to their school. Then back home and get to work by 9am.

It's amazing when you get into an exercise routine how much you enjoy it. I have gone from being horribly lazy over christmas and of course gaining weight to being active and focussed on continuing this journey. Yesterday I went to Curves in the morning and then rallied the girls and walked into Semaphore. A round trip of about 5 kms, half of it carrying heavy shopping bags. I was totally stuffed when I made it home but it was such a good feeling.

Steve and I are having a hard time again but we are talking things through this time before it gets out of hand. Money is our biggest issue. We had a credit card christmas this year because of a few circumstances beyond our control and the money just wasn't there. So I am in damage control and have redone our budget. How scary is that!!!! Mind blowing how much every bill has gone up in the 3 years since I last did a budget. Steve can't understand why when he works so hard (which he does) why the money isn't there to spend on himself. As everyone with kids knows, spending money on yourself is a rare luxury.

In the last month we have had over $1000 in bills I haven't budgeted for like rates and ambulance fund. Plus the extra we have to pay a month for Ashleigh's braces and a holiday to save for in March. Thank goodness Steve earns good overtime money which is all extra but he works bloody hard for it. But I know there are many families in the same situation. We are lucky to have our own home and not renting like so many.

Steve is going to Darwin in a couple of weeks to have a break with his best mate who lives up there. I'm jealous but I get my trips to Melbourne and god knows we all need time out!! Then 2 weeks after that we are off to Cairns. I am counting the days. We are going with a beautiful lady and her hubby and daughter I met through the ww forums and have come to be the bestest mates. Sammy has exactly the same struggles as I do with my weight and it's amazing to have someone who I have clicked with so well as a good friend. We have booked the most amazing house to stay in and I am so looking forward to sitting by the pool on the beachfront and doing nothing!!!!!! This is a relaxing holiday. We always go away and do things every day but this time we will do a couple of things and then spend the last week doing very little. I can't wait.

I am very excited about the turn this weight loss journey has taken. Some big changes for me but I know they are good changes. 2010 is our year girls!!

Happy Australia Day

Steve did this computer collage with some old photos he found of the kids. Good memories.





Jo (standing) and from left, myself, Jo and Kazz. From our lunch last Saturday. Awful photo of me. I had come straight from Curves and still had my hair up (Yuk!!)



Aarrggg. why does Blogger never put things were I want when I upload photos. Enlarge the collage. There are some great pics.


I just realised I haven't been here to update my weigh in last week. Another good week. I lost 1.2 kgs which takes me to 19.8 kgs lost. Still another 6 kgs to go to get to where I was and I kick myself every day realising where I could have been. But that's life. Full of bloody ups and downs, especially on this journey.

I am in the 2nd week of my Curves free trial and am loving it. I know it's not for everyone but I truly believe it is for me. Number 1 is the fact that I can go anytime I want. That is so important with my busy life. I don't feel like I am taking away time from my family because I can go during the afternoon, especially on a Friday when I finish early and the kids are at school. Every staff member I have encountered has been friendly and helpful and most of all interested in ME!!

They are about to start a Biggest Loser challenge which I am really interested in, especially as I finish up ww next Tuesday. The only hurdle is the joining fee. I have to see the manager on Friday and work this out. I can't afford a joining fee so if they want my business, they need to waive it. So I'll keep you updated on that front.

No meeting for me tonight because of the holiday so I'm going back to my old meeting on Thursday. Wonder if there are any familiar faces still there.

I had a lovely catch up with some ww friends last Saturday. We met at the Chinatown food court and I had vietnamese soup full of noodles, chicken, prawn, calamari and pork and cold rolls. I have no idea how much we have lost between us but it is a lot of weight. Kazz blows me away every time I see her. She has lost over 45 kgs and is a gym junkie - LOL!! Even though she weighs more than me, her body is looking so toned and it is testament to what you can do if you put your mind to it. Kazz is in the black singlet top in the above photo.

School goes back tomorrow. How quick did these holidays go!! Nikki starts high school and is really looking forward to it. It is a whole new chapter in both of our lives and I can't help but feel the slightest sadness. She is growing up way to fast for my liking.

I'll be back later in the week to update my weigh in and what is happening with joining Curves.

Feeling Good

Thank you all so much for your comments about the gym. I really appreciate the feedback.

I started my 2 week free trial at Curves on Friday. The staff were lovely and I honestly told her that I was gym shopping but she made me feel very welcome. She told me to look around and find something that suits me and my lifestyle. Didn't push Curves down my throat which was good. I loved the concept but I knew I would. The big plus is being able to go when I want not work around classes. And as for cardio, it's up to you how hard you work on the recovery boards. I really feel like I need toning and weight resistance more right now. I have a treadmill at home and walk with a friend who pushes me so I feel I am getting a reasonable amount of cardio.

I'm going to use up my 2 weeks and then try another couple of gyms and make the decision after that. I have cancelled my ww membership. I have a couple more meetings before it expires. Tuesday night should be interesting. The state manager is going to be at our meeting this week and I am going to have a talk with him. I sent an email 10 days ago now telling them my feelings about the new format and still haven't heard back. Pretty disappointing and it only makes me happier about my decision. They just don't care!!!

I have had a great weekend. Why do they go so quick?? The kids had friends over for sleepovers and on Saturday Nikki and I did shopping for all her high school supplies. This was an eye opener. I've never had to buy stationery before. It's all part of the fees in primary school but not in public high school. So with books and new uniforms this week it's an expensive time.

Today we went to Marion which is a big Westfield in Adelaide. We walked around there for 2 hours and I felt good. All 3 kids were whinging about how tired they were. Wusses!!!!! Jarryd saved his christmas and pocket money and bought a remote control helicopter which he is very pleased with. The girls spent their money in their favourite store - Diva which is a jewellery chain but really groovy and cheap jewellery.

Then I walked 40 minutes with another friend so I have definitely had my exercise for the weekend. My eating has been good so I am looking forward to weigh in on Tuesday night. I am in a weight loss facebook group with some friends who are having friendly competitions to see who is the biggest loser each week. Watch out girls, I'm going to beat you this week - LOL!!

Well I didn't win lotto this week so it's back to work for me tomorrow - BUGGER!!!!
Have a great week everyone.