In many ways.
I seriously think I have winteritis or some sort of disorder where I can't function in winter. I need sunshine in my life. I need to feel the sunshine in order to feel human. I HATE winter, I HATE rain (unless it's tropical rain) and I have got to the point in my life where I am seriously considering where I go and what I do as the kids get older. I have always wanted to live in Queensland. I bet we have all thought that. But I can see myself living in Queensland. I have even been googling real estate around Cairns because that is where I would ideally like to live. I have travelled a lot but I always follow the sun. The only not tropical holiday I have had is the snow when my best friend was living in Wangaratta and we could get there in a couple of hours. I think if it wasn't for my mum and Steve's parents we would be out of here.
I have talked about coming out of the fog. I can see a bit clearer. I am still with Steve. He has been away so much since our last big blow up which I can honestly say has been a good thing. We are seriously thinking about a mining job that may have fallen in our laps. A friend who is in recrutement mentioned about a driving job in a mine near Roxby Downs in far north SA. At least $30,000 more than Steve is earning now. Working away would work for us. I function very well as a single mum but I do miss him when he is away and things are good when he comes back so it would definitely work for us. Watch this space.
I still haven't had any counselling. I am on the waiting list through medicare. I must follow that up because it was supposed to be 3 weeks until I heard and I have had no contact as yet apart fromt he initial letter. I had to cancel the appointment I had through another avenue when Jarryd had his accident at camp. I definitely want to go down this path because I need help to deal with these situations with Steve. I won't be bullied by him. Sound familiar. Maybe Ashleigh is more like me than I realised.
Nikki had a big campout in our backyard last night with 7 other 14 year olds. I wasn't sure at first when she asked me because I remember what I got up to at 14!! 4 boys and 4 girls all in seperate tents. Hope it stayed that way - LOL!! They were pretty well behaved and I didn't hear them when I went to bed. But then again, my bedroom is at the other end of the property so the neighbours might say different.
Nikki is changing daily. Gone is my little girl. She is a typical, selfish but loving teenager. She is lazy. CBF as she says!! She isn't motivated to do anything. She wants a part time job but won't get off her bum and do it. I had to nag her to write her resume which took a couple of months and then nag her to print it off and put it in an envelope with some references. But she has done it now so hopefully will get a phone call soon. She also might not because the minimum age in SA is 14 yrs 7 months and she is 14 yrs 1 month. She has put applications in at Boost and Wendys so far. Bugger Hungry Jacks and Maccas. I'm not being a taxi at 3am or 5am for an early start. Something in a shopping centre would be ideal. Fingers crossed.
As with any time in my life when I am under extreme stress I turn to crap food. I am happy that my weight has staying exactly the same and not ballooned out of control as usually happens. But I have been back at weight watchers for 11 weeks or so and have only lost about 5 kgs. I am motivated by some bloggers and facebook friends who are doing amazing things with Michelle Bridges 12 week challenge and might look into the next one. The great thing about blogging is that I got into it through the weight watchers website where a lot of us have or had a lot to lose so all these friends are or have been in the same situation as me. Lots to lose and yoyo dieters. We are all the same. Some are conquering their weight and some like me are just hanging in there. But we understand each other where a lot of people don't. I know there are so many out there, my husband included, that think we are fat because we eat too much and if we just cut down the weight will come off. Well yes, it will if we follow the guidelines. But many of my online friends have the same battles. I truly believe it is a mental issue as well. I know I shouldn't be eating the crap I do and I know I need to lose this weight for my health so why don't I?????? The million $$ question. It will be a battle for the rest of my life. And I need to find a way to win that battle.
I am going to try and write something about my weight loss journey most days. Whether it be winning or losing. I have this outlet here so why don't I use it more as a tool for this journey?
I can do this. I am so sick of being fat. I don't want to be fat anymore :)
Have a lovely Sunday everyone. The sun is shining and I am definitely going for a walk to the beach. Enjoy whatever your Sunday brings.
5 hours ago