Monday, November 03, 2008

Lazy Blogger!!

Yep, that's me - a very lazy blogger!!

One of the reasons I haven't updated is because we have had a few computer issues and apart from losing all my photos from the last 6 months, I haven't downloaded our camera software as yet.

I hate posting without photos.

Big news for me is that I have finally stopped procrastinating (sp??) and started weight watchers again. As I have said many times, I have absolutely no support in this family when it comes to weight loss efforts and I have finally realized that I do love the support you get from going to meetings. I have joined unlimited which only works out to $13.50 ish per week which is quite good. With that you get etools for free which is great for online tracking.

I know there are lots of bloggers out there that don't agree with weight watchers but I know it works for me if I stick to it. And after all, it is just sensible eating. Nothing more, nothing less.

I have changed my hours at work which now gives me time to walk to school and pick the kids up 3 times a week. Hey it's a start. I am soooo unfit!! I'll build it up very slowly.

The other big thing in my life at the moment is my marriage. Things aren't great - AGAIN!!

I honestly don't know what to do. I have tried so many times that I just don't know where to go from here. We had counselling 12 months ago which I instigated but got that thrown back in my face because the counsellor was on my side!!!! So we didn't go back. I have asked him to organize his own counselling and it hasn't happened.

We have honestly just grown apart. His children are scared of him and that scares me.

He wants love and affection yet I get no love or affection. And I am so sick of trying!!!

He doesn't talk!! He won't sit down and start a conversation. It always ends up with him yelling at me because his life is so tough. For example - picking up the dog poo, cleaning the pool and taking the bins out are his pet hates. I have so many chores I hate too but I don't complain about them. It's part and parcel of bringing up a family and running a household.

I know I'm not perfect but how do you live with someone who is so grumpy ALL the time??

I really don't know where that leaves us!! I still love him but it's not enough anymore!!

I have one request. I need so much support right now. If you are still reading and I know there are lots that are, please leave me a comment to let me know you are there. I love reading blogs and have made so many friends online. I have lots of people reading from overseas, but hardly anyone comments.

Please say hi!!!

And give me some advice if you have ever been in this situation.


Kate said...

Oh Tina,
I really feel for you. I'm so sorry the counselling didn't work out (or sorry that steve didn't put the effort in).

Only you know what is right for you & your gorgeous kids. If your kids are scared of him, that is HUGE and not at all acceptable. He sounds really inmature. Unbelieveable, not wanting to contribute to the household. Hello? That's life mate.

Anyway, I wasn't going to get into all that. Listen to your heart and trust your gut instinct. It doesn't sound like a marriage or even a mutual partnership to me.

Good luck with ww, I hope you find the support you need there.

Big hugs, K xx

Cinders said...

Hi Tina - so sorry to hear that you are having these problems with your hubby. It's really not fair on the kids in the long run if they have parents in an unhappy relationship.

Good luck with WW, I look forward to reading all about your success.

Chris H said...

I agree with Kate on this... marriage should be a partnership, both of you should love each other to death... and share in all the chores involved with running a home. Poor man doesn't like scooping dog poop, or putting out the bins! Hell... that's the man's jobs!!!! Tell him to get a life, or piss off! Your kids should NEVER EVER be scared of their own Dad, that is just WRONG.
Once again, listen to Kate cos I am likely to say stuff you may not be ready to hear!
I walked out on my first husband when I had 4 little kids already... and NEVER looked back! Why? Similar reasons you just mentioned. Plus a few more, but this isn't about me.
I hope you can overcome this ... and whatever you do come out happy. Life is for living and loving, not being miserable.
I am here if you ever want to talk.. just email me.

JustJo said...

Marriage problems SUCK! And I agree with the others - it IS a partnership, and if it's not 50/50 then there is gonna be trouble... someone will always be unhappy.
*Hugs* to you... I have no advice except maybe listen to your head over your heart?

Tania said...

Hey Tina, I got the impression when we last caught up that you were still having problems with Steve! I do understand what you're going through as I have similar problems with Michael but thankfully it's not all the time and my problems aside he's great at helping out with the kids.

I wish I knew what I could say that could help you through this, but ultimately you need to look after yourself and your kids first and foremost and I hope that you can find a way to do that with Steve.

Let's catch up again soon without the kids, i'm always happy to listen.

Congrats on going back to WW - i'm so proud of you, not for rejoining but for doing something that's just for you - you deserve it!

Jenny said...

My heart goes out to you Tina. I am so sorry for what's happening, especially after you have tried and done all the right things. You work hard, you are an awesome mother and you deserve much better from your marriage. Personally I would rather live alone with my precious children, than in a marriage with a very grumpy man. If Steve can't see all that you're doing to contribute to the home, then he is a blind and immature man. Your happiness is a huge consideration, your childrens happiness an even bigger one. Tina, maybe it's worth considering seeing someone, just you, to work out what course of action you should take. Someone who can help you to lay everything out clearly in your mind. Sometimes you need to take the emotion out of a situation to look at it clearly and objectively and an outsider can help you do this. Only you can make this decision, and only you know what is best for you and your children...... I am so glad that you posted, so that at least we can keep a close eye on you now. We are here to support you and you know you can always email me if you need to talk.

On a brighter note, I am very proud of you for going back to WW. Like you I have tried different ways, and I keep coming back to the realization that it always always works. It's me that falls by the wayside and not the program. I am now happy to follow their principles 90% of the time, and keep my weight at a good level. I wish you all the best in your recommitment and something tells me you will make it this time.

LisaB said...

Hello Tina...
I really understand where you are at...
Just a few things to add....
I grew up scared of my father...this has a big long term affect...particularly on us women... you don't want your girls in a relationship like yours thinking that this is what 'happy families' is all about :) I ended up in that sort of marriage!
Also want to say you such a caring, thoughtful, beautiful young woman, with so much of life still ahead of you.... you deserve to spend that time feeling happy, and if not feeling happy, at least having a partner along side you that cares about that.
big hugs for you xxxx

Sandy Crombie said...

Hi Tina
have been thinking of you lately & meaning to see if you wanted to catch up for a coffee as we havnt done so for ages. Was also wondering how your health was going.
Sorry to hear you are having marriage problems, just remember life is too short to be unhappy, i have been there, I stuck it out far too long, so i echo one of the other girls listen to your heart & your gut instinct, some people never change, & others need a big shock to make them change, you need to think of yourself & the kids.
I am here if you need someone to talk to at anytime, & the coffee offer is there too
take care thinking of you
love Sandy xx